Be Prepared

This week's post is all about feeling rejected in efforts to be a gentleman. First off though, let me say that having tea with a lady friend of mine was a very successful expidition. Though it required a lot of work, it was well worth it.

Now, for the second part of this post: be prepared for harsh truths. As a gentleman, you do a lot of behind the scenes work, things that might get in the way of your everyday life. You have to go buy flowers at the right time. You've got work to get money for those flowers. You've got to do some driving to take your ladies to places or to go entertain them (not to mention gas prices these days). You've got to take the time to write letters, to set up having tea, to iron outfits and look your best, to get your sleep. There are also other things you have to do while she's around: open doors, keep conversation going, make sure she's comfortable, watch what you say so you don't insult her or make a fool of yourself. There are countless things. But if you ever ask your lady friend if she thinks you have reached gentlemanhood yet, be prepared for her to say you're only halfway there, and learn that you need to take this in stride and not be upset by it. She doesn't see everything you do.

Being a gentleman is difficult. I didn't exactly know what I was getting myself into. Now, with work and school starting soon, I'm realizing I'm running out of time. I realized this yesterday while talking to one of my lady friends. She's the one I've been spending most of my time with and have done the most for since I dote on her so. I asked her if she thought I was a gentleman yet, and she said I was halfway there. At first, I thought there might be something I could do to finish the second half I wasn't getting. I asked her what she thought I should do, so in two words, her advice. She said that we didn't go to enough places, didn't do enough together.

This information depressed me very much, though I tried to hide it. As it turns out (and I'm keeping a schedule now to keep myself on track with my life), I don't have that kind of time. I don't have time to take her to do lots of things anymore. I was very upset with her for saying I was only halfway there, and I had to remind myself to keep calm. I had told her not to make this easy on me, and she hadn't done so, just like I asked. So I had nothing to be upset with her about.

So, since my goal is not accomplished this summer, I'm going to have to take it to college with me. This means new test subjects, and starting all over again. I'm not giving up here, as it's still my duty to be a proper gentleman, but I am facing the fact that it will not be accomplished here.

So, there is till hope. I have errands to attend to now, including inviting a different lady friend (who I haven't done anything with at all yet) to tea on Sunday. Till then.

Tick Tock

Alright, so now that my thank you's are done with and now that I've been to my new student orientation for college, I feel the weight of time pressing down on my shoulders. I have less than a month till move in day for college, and between my odd jobs and getting paperwork done, my gentleman matters seem to be taking an unreasonable back seat.

I have, however, planned two dates for this week... well, one for sure is going to happen and the other one hasn't even been discussed yet. I spent a long time thinking about how I would invite lady friends on dates. I tried to think of creative ways to ask them, and so far, I've only come up with one.

On Tuesday, I left a red rose and an envelope on one of my lady friends' door step. Well, actually, I hid the rose and the envelope in the bushes because I didn't want anyone else at her house to open the door and read the message. I texted her that I had hidden a surprise for her in the bushes and that she should go look when she had the time. I had already driven off her property by this point, and was absolutely nervous about her response, even though we'd gone on dates before. As I drove my car home that day, I felt my heart pounding over the sound of my radio, and felt my fingers tingle with excitement.

The envelope contained a letter that asked if she would like to go see the new Winnie the Pooh movie with me. Now, I'm sure that sounds a little childish to some, but she'd been a big fan since she was very little. I figured she would love to. She ended up telling me though that she had already seen it. I was devastated to say the least. I had thought myself very clever and thoughtful, but only to realize later, that she had told me she'd already seen it before I put that letter and rose in her bushes. I was a bit embarrassed at this point.

So, we looked up other movies that were showing. The ones we liked we'd already seen, and the others weren't worth watching in our opinions. So, I decided to blockbuster I would go. We picked a movie and the date and times are the same, so I figure this will work out after all. Plus, I won't have to pay extra for popcorn or drinks since I already have them at my house.

My other lady friend I am going to be inviting to have tea with me on Sunday in the afternoon. It will be the same sort of invitation, a rose with a note. This also puts my room cleaning on a time limit though. It is a good and bad thing... good because it should actually get done, but bad because I might have put unnecessary stress on myself. I am running out of time though, and trying to come up with new ideas for dates while these are pending. My third lady friend I haven't done anything with. I should invite her to tea as well, I figure, but I unlike my other two lady friends, she is very quiet and so laid back that you have to push really hard for any kind of opinion. I'd really like to take her to something she'd enjoy, something she won't be bored at and will care about. I'm still brainstorming ideas.

I hope I can be declared a gentleman by all three ladies before my time with them is done. I don't know what I'll do if I don't accomplish my goal.

Picking Up New Reading Material and House-Bound

This past week I did end up getting some new reading material on being a gentleman at my library. However, I only found two books, but I am thankful for those two nonetheless. The one I am currently reading is 50 Things Every Young Gentleman Should Know by John Bridges and Bryan Curtis. So far, this is really a simple read. The book does not only write the rules, but explains why these 50 rules are important. I have made it through seven rules, and I have to admit that at first I was being a bit big headed. The first chapter is about saying please. I thought I already had this figured out, but I didn't skip this chapter. I read on through and realized on reflection that I was not saying please very much anymore. Over the years, with people I know, I've dropped it. I don't ask politely anymore. So I suppose I will have to start at the very beginning, even though I thought I already understood the basics.

The second chapter is on saying thank you. This leads me to remembering my house-bound situation. Currently, I'm not allowed to go see friends until my "Thank you's" for my graduation presents are done. This also means I cannot go see my lady friends. This has become a huge depressor for me, since I've been working and tired, and frankly, thank you's are the last thing on my mind. After reading that second chapter though, I realize they should really be taking more priority than I previously thought. The people who gave me graduation gifts didn't have to do that for me, but they did so anyway. I should probably show some gratitude. Seems like common sense, doesn't it? I've never written thank you's before though, so maybe that's why I never understood the importance. When I was a kid and got a thank you letter from a friend for a present I'd given at their birthday party, I didn't really understand why. They'd thanked me at the party, so why did they send me a letter?

My graduation gifts make more sense though, because most of them were sent through the mail. I was not able to say my thank you's. Still, it is a gentlemanly thing to do anyway, whether or not you have thanked the person in person or not. I'll have to remember that.

I'm still working on my room cleaning, but it's making huge progress, and the money making is going well. So, I have to get un-house-bound to open up windows to see my lady friends again and invite them to tea. I'm running out of summer since school starts mid-August. I'll be back to talk about my progress. Till then, my friends.

P.S. Don't try entertaining two ladies at once... or expect to be exhausted mentally your first try. I tried doing this at a theater before a show, talking to the lady friend sitting next to me and texting the other who was by herself in a different theater. It doesn't quite work out the way you'd expect on your first try.

Results of Dinner Party, And Dealing With the Modern Woman I

You know how life sometimes grabs you by the nose and decides that instead of writing your blog post, you're going to be doing other things? That's my only explanation for not posting about the dinner party sooner.

The dinner birthday party went over really well, though I didn't really sit down and eat. I figured, since there was no server, it was the gentlemanly thing to help ladies in long dresses by getting their food and drinks that way they wouldn't have to walk up and down the stairs in their long ball gowns. One of my lady friends however told me to just sit down and eat after a while. She told me that gentleman did not mean server, but honestly, I didn't want to put them through the trouble.

Also, note to self and others: in summer, the last thing you do while getting ready for a party is dress for it. I went to the path near my house to gather some wild daisy flowers for my lady friend's birthday and it was too hot for walking in a long sleeved shirt with tie and vest. I was sweating too much. I figured things would get better when I was at the party, but I still was sweating because I was moving around and helping out, as well as dancing.

The dancing went over quite well too. I danced with each of my lady friends. Although, one didn't seem to want to dance, or this is the only explanation I can come up with. She would stop dancing right in the middle of a song. I wasn't sure what to do. So I asked her if she was sure she wanted to dance, and she said yes, so we resumed. But it happened a couple of times. I was very confused, but went with the flow of things.

Now, onto the modern woman part of this post. One of my lady friends was getting too close for my comfort during the middle of the party while we were in a big group hanging out. The other two lady friends involved in this expedition were also there. I was uncomfortable, and tried to show it in hopes that she would stop. But she didn't. She found it very amusing instead. So, naturally, the women in the room started to give me advice on how to be a gentleman in this situation, because I wasn't sure what to do. They believed I should be more forward and full of myself. One was convinced that gentleman weren't introverted at all. I'm not sure I can agree with this statement. But if it is true (I'll have to look into it), then I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I'm a very introverted person (it's kind of why I write). I try not to be so uncomfortably introverted so I can socialize, but I'm still not sure how to find a way to be a gentleman in that situation if it arises again.

It's been a few days since the party, and I have bought one rose for my lady friend when I went to visit her again to show my affections. Turns out, price chopper sells single roses. Though it's not the best for your dollar, it's possible. I still open doors for my lady friends whenever I can, but when getting out of the car, they seem to have forgotten that I will gladly get their door for them. I don't want to stop them, because it almost seems rude to make a lady wait for you to open her door when she feels very capable and would like to be out of the car. I'm still not sure how to tell them that I'll get their door for them, or even if they found the help annoying before or generous.

Anyway, right now, I'm in the processes of cleaning my room and making it decent for visitors. I have work to go to in the morning, so I'm going to get some shut eye now. Perhaps after work I will pick up books from the library about being a gentleman and see if they can help in any of these issues. Till then.

Time Warp!

Last night was my first work shift ever in my entire life and my body is in kerfuffle over it. I worked from seven-thirty at night to six in the morning, so I haven't seen the sun go down in hours. I got home smelling like sweat, not wanting to smell banana nut muffins for a while, but having a pay check in my hand. Looking at the pay check, I told myself I would do this again, just not this second, and that everything would be alright.

Now, running on about seven hours of sleep, I'm thinking about the dinner party I have to go to tonight. Nothing is sore, which is amazing because I thought I would be hurting all over, so that will make dancing easier. It's one of my lady friend's birthday party. She is celebrating her eighteenth trip around the sun and is doing so with an elaborate banquet and ball room dancing. I still have my vest to iron and presents to wrap. I hope she ends up liking the gift I got her. When I was out shopping, I actually wasn't sure what to get her. I suppose I'll just have to wait and see. I'm thinking of picking flowers for her also out in the woods. I saw some yellow lilies she might like, and her birthday is just another excuse to give her flowers. The book I bought called "How to Get Along with Girls" says to find all these opportunities to give her flowers. It also says I should look very neat and tidy, which means the dreaded ironing board. I also discovered why the book mentions nails being clean and neatly trimmed. I have never had much reason to scrub my nails till after I worked last night. Factory jobs tend to get your hands dirty, whether you want them to or not. So I spent this morning scrubbing as much dirt out of my nails as I could, and there's still some I cant quite get.

Anyway, there's lots to do, and very little time now. I'll be reporting back later after the banquet about how it went. This will be a great opportunity to practice my social skills as a gentleman.

Missed Opportunity and The Importance of Getting a Job

So, being an American on Independence day, I naturally went to go see fireworks with my family. As I was sitting there though, I realized something that made me feel a little down. Taking a lady friend on a firework date on the fourth of July would have been a great experience. So, to all of you out there who thought of this ahead of time, great for you! For all of you who didn't, I share my sympathies. For all of you who are not American, but can find a way to take a lady friend to a firework show, I encourage you to do so.

Now, onto the second matter I've been pondering: my no-wage status. I have to admit, before taking steps to become a gentleman, I only saw the need for a job because of University next year. I need money to live off of for the first year at least, that way I can spend that year not only studying, but looking for a job on campus. Unfortunately, the job hunt wasn't working out so well. I was interviewed at Jimmy John's shortly after getting back from vacation only to be told after the interview that they had too many people leaving in the Fall already. So now, for plan B: Day labor/temporary work. I have to admit, I'm a little nervous. At the same time though, I'm excited. I finally will get paid, even though I'm not sure what to expect. I do need the money, however. This time, not only for living, but for entertaining young lady friends as well. Even on a budget of zero dollars, I still have to at least drive to go see my lady friends.

So, while this day labor is processing and working itself out, I will be cleaning my room. Why? Well, it is my only private space in the house as of now and the only space I can completely control cleanliness. To properly invite ladies to tea (my next surprise plan, though I'm not sure which of the three I will invite first), I must have a space they can feel comfortable in, a space with good ambiance. My room is in no such state. After I have it clean, I will be going more into detail about how I will be setting the "tea for two" up. Till then, I have the preliminary steps to complete, and will be writing more about how those are working out for me.

Results of Test One

Purple Alstroemerias

I'll keep this brief and to the point as possible since I have a tendency to write a lot in one sitting. The flowers: huge success. She wasn't expecting them, but they also weren't the ones I intended to buy. Buying a single red rose at Walmart didn't work out for me. Now, there were a dozen for twelve dollars, and there were five peach colored roses for five dollars, but I wasn't sure if she'd like the peach colored ones. Fortunately I had the extra help of actually knowing this lady better than the others. We spend the most time together, so I was able to see that the pink roses weren't going to work out. I went with purple alstroemerias instead, which looked very lovely and I figured she would also enjoy. When I brought them over, I received a very warm welcome after bringing them out from behind my back. I was asked to come inside and, further more, received kisses. Now, I'm not saying this flower surprise would have worked the same if this had been the first date. I'm sure it would have taken much longer to be given kisses for bringing flowers.
The jacket idea was also another good one. I didn't even have to wear it. I set it off to the side with a bag I'd brought with me and when she looked cold, offered if she'd like to wear it. She accepted. Also, the smores was an even better idea. I ended up offering to go roast her marshmallows. At first, she said no, and that she'd rather do this herself, but when the fire was getting uncomfortably hot and smokey and she didn't desire to be near it, I was there to roast her marshmallows exactly the way she wanted.
The only other details that also helped in making the evening a success are offering my arm for her to hold on to so she did not trip in the dark on the way back to the car and opening the door of the car for her. It really seemed to work and she didn't seem to throw a fit about it. The only hard part is getting the door back open for her when I drop her back off. She instinctively goes for the handle and gets out when I do. I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to work that out. I'm also worried about offering to do too much for her. I don't want her to feel as if she thinks I don't believe she cannot do things on her own. I know she is perfectly capable. I just would like to be polite and courteous. I suppose I'll be posting later if she protests more or less to my offers of assistance. Till then.